I had to kiss a lot of frogs
Before I met my guy.
Recently my second eldest brother has been having a lot of marital issues. He has a little daughter that is 3 named Isabel and has been with his wife for 10 years. I love Izzy very much as she's the youngest of all 6 of my nieces and nephews. I was talking to my mom about the bad lucky my brother has had in love. My mom says my brother has always been the forgiving type and although he has a tough exterior he really has a big heart. Growing up we fought like cats and dogs and I will admit it was a source of enjoyment to pester him while he was playing video games. That's probably translated into one of my annoying traits in adulthood I'm almost certain.
My eldest sister also had a rough patch as well until she met her husband, before she was a single mother of two and probably dated guys worse than I have. She probably loved a little harder than me because she didn't have an older sister she witnessed having her heart broken like I did to scare her into tiptoeing into the idea of love. Which makes me wonder about my youngest sister Irene, she's independent, and smart and hasn't wasted her youth being boy crazy and I wonder how much of that was due to seeing me struggle with finding a nice guy. I think one of the things that sold me on Alex was how encouraging my little sister was about him. I think it was easier for her to recognize the good in someone with such fresh eyes.
I asked my mom if she had dated a lot before she met my dad and she said she did. Maybe last week I told my mom why my last serious relationship ended. To which she replied, "you never told me" and I said "well, I'm a lot like you I don't talk about my problems" which I guess is ironic because everything since the age of 13 was spilled into blog postings. Check out my xanga haha but as far as vocalizing disappointments or sadness I just don't.
I was having a sobbering conversation with Annie and her boyfriend Mark who just bought a house together at their dinning room table at 3am on Halloween. I had work at 8am but I explained to Annie talking about sadness isn't as cathartic for me because I feel like I'm dwelling and I don't like to dwell but after you get over the uncomfortableness of actually being vulnerable enough to admit your humanness the sadness does dissipate so although its unpleasant it truly does help.
I guess I bring all this up because I'm my boyfriend's first serious relationship. Although he doesn't know fully (he has dated here and there) just how cut throat the dating world can be sometimes especially when you invest so much of your time working on a relationship that just doesn't pan out it's an emotional strain and its also frustrating and unnerving being back to square one. He's better off not having to go through the awkward uncomfortable first dates that never make it to second date. Or those weird I dont know why I'm not into you but I'm not even though you are. Or even worse the are they even into me? He's better off without the throwing your heart into a pit of people who's intentions aren't always clear. Some people in life are blessed that way. Some find their life partners early on and it works out, they make it work, and they stay together and are stronger for it. If I could have had it that way I would have, I must say, but I wasn't so lucky.
Although I've never told him I'm fully resolved never to break his heart or cause him pain. Never intentionally at least, because he's a good man to me and I count my lucky stars that I met him. As far as my brothers issues with his marriage goes I truly hope they can resolve them-- Through marriage counseling, because once you're in it you have to be all in. Of course my mother brought up a scripture in the bible while we were discussing my brother's hardships, bringing it up candidly and saying something along the lines of, "It's even in the bible..." but not giving me the exact quote.
Recently my second eldest brother has been having a lot of marital issues. He has a little daughter that is 3 named Isabel and has been with his wife for 10 years. I love Izzy very much as she's the youngest of all 6 of my nieces and nephews. I was talking to my mom about the bad lucky my brother has had in love. My mom says my brother has always been the forgiving type and although he has a tough exterior he really has a big heart. Growing up we fought like cats and dogs and I will admit it was a source of enjoyment to pester him while he was playing video games. That's probably translated into one of my annoying traits in adulthood I'm almost certain.
My eldest sister also had a rough patch as well until she met her husband, before she was a single mother of two and probably dated guys worse than I have. She probably loved a little harder than me because she didn't have an older sister she witnessed having her heart broken like I did to scare her into tiptoeing into the idea of love. Which makes me wonder about my youngest sister Irene, she's independent, and smart and hasn't wasted her youth being boy crazy and I wonder how much of that was due to seeing me struggle with finding a nice guy. I think one of the things that sold me on Alex was how encouraging my little sister was about him. I think it was easier for her to recognize the good in someone with such fresh eyes.
I asked my mom if she had dated a lot before she met my dad and she said she did. Maybe last week I told my mom why my last serious relationship ended. To which she replied, "you never told me" and I said "well, I'm a lot like you I don't talk about my problems" which I guess is ironic because everything since the age of 13 was spilled into blog postings. Check out my xanga haha but as far as vocalizing disappointments or sadness I just don't.
I was having a sobbering conversation with Annie and her boyfriend Mark who just bought a house together at their dinning room table at 3am on Halloween. I had work at 8am but I explained to Annie talking about sadness isn't as cathartic for me because I feel like I'm dwelling and I don't like to dwell but after you get over the uncomfortableness of actually being vulnerable enough to admit your humanness the sadness does dissipate so although its unpleasant it truly does help.
I guess I bring all this up because I'm my boyfriend's first serious relationship. Although he doesn't know fully (he has dated here and there) just how cut throat the dating world can be sometimes especially when you invest so much of your time working on a relationship that just doesn't pan out it's an emotional strain and its also frustrating and unnerving being back to square one. He's better off not having to go through the awkward uncomfortable first dates that never make it to second date. Or those weird I dont know why I'm not into you but I'm not even though you are. Or even worse the are they even into me? He's better off without the throwing your heart into a pit of people who's intentions aren't always clear. Some people in life are blessed that way. Some find their life partners early on and it works out, they make it work, and they stay together and are stronger for it. If I could have had it that way I would have, I must say, but I wasn't so lucky.
Although I've never told him I'm fully resolved never to break his heart or cause him pain. Never intentionally at least, because he's a good man to me and I count my lucky stars that I met him. As far as my brothers issues with his marriage goes I truly hope they can resolve them-- Through marriage counseling, because once you're in it you have to be all in. Of course my mother brought up a scripture in the bible while we were discussing my brother's hardships, bringing it up candidly and saying something along the lines of, "It's even in the bible..." but not giving me the exact quote.
A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.
Proverbs 14:1
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